How to Get Over a Divorce?

In the United States, upwards of 50% of all marriages end in divorce. So that begs the question: if the divorce rate is so high, why do people get married in the first place? Well, the truth is, people get married for many reasons. Sometimes it's for love, sometimes money, and sometimes for a multitude of other reasons.

Getting to truly know someone takes time, and getting to know someone well enough to commit to spending your life with them can take years. Even then there are no guarantees that your bond will stand the test of time. Again, the odds are 50/50.

Just as there are many reasons why people get married, there are an equal amount of reasons for why they get divorced. Ironically enough, love and money are at the top of the divorce list, as well. And after that, infidelity is very close behind. This raises another very important question:

The sad and ugly truth is that this is an impossible question to universally answer. It is different for everyone. There are those who can move past a cheating spouse instantly, while others struggle with it for the rest of their lives. Infidelity is perhaps the harshest violation that any romantic partnership can endure. And in many cases, it causes too much damage to the relationship to withstand.

The deeper the level of trust you have for someone, the more emotionally destructive it is if that person betrays that trust. It can often leave deep wounds that are carried into future relationships. Projecting those fears and concerns onto your next partner is very common, and can make it much harder to trust when entering into future romantic relationships.

Some people find that it is best to get “right back on the horse,” and move on to a new partner almost immediately. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this approach. Even if the new relationship doesn’t work out, the worst thing that will happen is you’ll find a temporary distraction from the grief you are experiencing.

On the other hand, however, there are those who feel that jumping into a new relationship too soon will only result in another unhappy ending. And quite frankly, if you are among the group of people who feel this way, and you believe your new relationship will end badly, you will most likely find a way to make your fears a reality whether you intend to or not.

This question really needs to be looked at in two different ways: the “getting over it legally,” and the “getting over it mentally.”

• Getting over a divorce legally: There are quite a few different ways that this can go. In most states, if you and your former partner are in agreement, then a “no fault” divorce can be finalized in as little as 3 to 6 months. And, in certain cases, an annulment can happen even faster. However, these situations tend to be the exception, and not the rule. Generally speaking, there is a required separation period which typically ranges anywhere from 6 to 18 months before a judgment of divorce will be granted, and the marriage dissolved.
• Getting over a divorce mentally: This aspect of the divorce can be quite a bit more complicated. And much like dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, there really isn’t a specific amount of time required to “get over it.” Everyone is different. Again, some people may be ready to move on with their lives right away, while others may not ever be.

This is yet another question for which there is no “one size fits all” answer. In many ways, a divorce is similar to a death. Although it may not be a person who has died, something real and significant has ended. It is completely natural that you should grieve for a divorce in the same manner that you would grieve the death of a loved one.

Feeling grief, however, is different than simply “getting over it,” or “moving on.” Although it may take you a very long time to be ready to enter into another relationship, the grief process cannot continue indefinitely. If you allow yourself to grieve for too long, it can transform into a very unhealthy depression that can and will negatively affect every aspect of your life. The grief process is natural, and it is oftentimes necessary. But it must not be allowed to consume you. Many divorcees require help in the form of counseling to get through this grieving period. If it is becoming too much for you, or you are getting overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to seek support. Remember, 50% of marriages end this way, so you are certainly not alone!

Once again, the answer to this question is both yes, and no. For some people, marriage is a wonderful thing, and a partnership which lasts a lifetime. For others, it is a horrific experience which they can not wait to escape from. There is no magic formula to a successful marriage. Some work, and some do not.

For those which end in divorce, it doesn’t necessarily mean that either partner did anything “wrong.” In fact, they could have both done everything “right,” and still ended up divorcing. Marriage is not for everyone, and some people just aren’t meant to be.

For the marriages that last, they require an infinite amount of hard work, dedication, understanding, and patience. But as the old saying goes: nothing worth doing is ever done easily!