If we talk about love as such, then it can change a person, make him better, and nurture a reciprocal feeling. If this has not happened, then talking about it is at least stupid. That is why the very fact of such a thing as treason does not exist: a person either loves or does not. If your partner no longer has feelings, don't blame him for being unfaithful. Thus, accepting the fact of treason, the initiator is either a deceiver or a deceived one. The traitor leaves because he does not see the point and desires to continue to stay together. The deceived person does not want to put up with «betrayal» and cannot forgive a lie. Accordingly, the couple gets divorced.
«Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.» – Roy T. Bennett
«Don't be afraid. Be focused. Be determined. Be hopeful. Be empowered.» – Michelle Obama
«When we deny our stories, They define us. When we own our stories, we get to write the ending.» – Brené Brown
«Throw us an obstacle, and we grow stronger.» – Brad Henry
«I have not ceased being fearful, but I have ceased to let fear control me.» – Erica Jong
«My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.» – Maya Angelou
«Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy's staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.» – Jennifer Weiner
«Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.» – Robert H. Schuller
«What lies behind you and what lies in front of you pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.» – Ralph Waldo Emerson
«The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.» – Mahatma Gandhi
«Owning your own story and loving yourself through the process is the bravest thing that we'll ever do.» – Brené Brown
«There was never a night or a problem that could defeat sunrise or hope.» – Bernard Williams
«Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It just realizes that the only person you really have control over is yourself.» – Deborah Reber
«It's not the load that breaks you down, and it's the way you carry it.» – Lena Horne
«The most beautiful people I've known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.» – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
«Tough times never last, but tough people do.» – Robert H. Schuller
«A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.» – Christopher Reeve
«Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.» – Eleanor Roosevelt
«Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.» – Marilyn Monroe
«Freeing yourself was one thing, claiming ownership of that freed self was another.» – Toni Morrison
«Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives.» – Louise Hay
There are as many reasons for divorce as people are living in a couple. But there are classic examples and standard situations. For the most part, they are the root causes of breakups.
This is a classic. Rarely who decides and is simply able to forgive treason. Those who will save the marriage, no matter what, go through 9 circles of hell. There are doubts, fears, self-doubt, and depression. Basically, they are forgiven in two cases: unearthly love and material dependence. There is a third option, but for the most part, this is just a sub-clause of the second. This is the case when the partner himself lives a double life. Unearthly love can forgive everything: betrayal, vile habits, alcoholism or drug addiction, humiliation, and insults. It's hard to say what motivates a person when he forgives everything. But, as a rule, such love is just an illusion. Of course, provided that such patience is more like a «victim syndrome.»
The definition does not sound as scary as what is hidden under it. This includes everything that interferes with the cloudless existence of the family: alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction. Problems of this kind carry destructive energy, which not everyone can cope with, both on the part of the culprit and the sufferer. These habits can kill the strongest feeling. They drag everything with them: material problems, family health in the literal and figurative sense, reduce the development of children, and break their fate. In some cases, we are talking about the elementary safety of others.
As a result, the culprit ends his existence in two scenarios: copes with the problem levels his life or simply dies. In the first case, the preservation of the family is possible subject to the wisdom and patience of the partner. If the struggle is impossible, its fruitlessness, divorce is the best solution.
When the feeling fades away, most couples decide to divorce. If the partners have no elementary respect left and nothing else binds them, then there is no point in further existence as a couple. In such a separation, there are only advantages, but more on that later. Here are the main reasons for divorce. Of course, there are many more of them than it seems, but these are the most serious ones.
Before deciding to dissolve the marriage, you need to understand that you will have to gather all the will into a fist. Not the best times are coming, and «berries» have begun in the relationship. Psychologists say that in parting, a person goes through 5 stages:
When a person faces a divorce face to face, he will be shocked. But this is a collective definition. Many emotions are mixed in it: pain, resentment, anger, fear. After some time, the passions will subside, the person will accept the situation, but he will have denial. At this moment, the feeling of emptiness just rolls over. It is useless to convince that it will improve, form, come back to normal. He will definitely not listen to all this soothing nonsense of loved ones. Its adequacy will be questionable.
Everyone goes through this stage. Some get stuck in it for a long time. The fits of anger can be overwhelming. It must be borne in mind that to break loose on your surroundings is bad manners. It should be understood that emotions are directed at a partner and not at children, relatives, or friends. With all this, a bland winding up occurs: all the partner's shoals are remembered, the negative moments become much brighter, the understanding comes that the time is hopelessly lost, and the best years have been spent. This attitude towards yourself can lead to prolonged depression, which will be very difficult to cope with.
This is the most dangerous stage of all. It is the middle, the equator of the situation. Not everyone can step over it without loss. Fortunately, comments from close-minded psychologists are flying from all sides, with a call to understand oneself. This is where the root of all evil lies. You can get to the bottom of yourself to such an extent that sacredly believing in your guilt will be a normal state. This can end very unpleasantly: an obsessive desire to contact a partner, a desire to correct some mistakes, to start all over again. This is stupid. Not even worth trying.
This is the most dangerous stage of all. It is the middle, the equator of the situation. Not everyone can step over it without loss. Fortunately, comments from close-minded psychologists are flying from all sides, with a call to understand oneself. This is where the root of all evil lies. You can get to the bottom of yourself to such an extent that sacredly believing in your own guilt will be a normal state. This can end very unpleasantly: an obsessive desire to contact a partner, a desire to correct some mistakes, to start all over again. This is stupid. Not even worth trying.
Oh, this is a welcome feeling of freedom, this breath of fresh air. Acceptance of the situation will surely come. A feeling of unprecedented lightness will appear. It is not for nothing that they say that time heals. All problems will cease to hang like a sword of Damocles and will cease to seem insoluble. The way of life will cease to be chaotic and will return to order. It's worth having patience for that.
Leaving is always easy. It is much more difficult to stay, especially at the «broken trough.» To avoid major changes in your life, you need to occupy yourself fully. You can't lie on the couch and suffer quietly.
Yes, a common hobby. It would seem, what kind of entertainment can we talk about if there is a divorce certificate in front of your nose. But life goes on, the sun shines the same way, and everything else has not changed. In addition, there was freedom from obligations. At this moment, it is worth remembering your dreams: learning to play the piano, learning to waltz, or making pastries. There are so many interesting things around, but people do not notice all this solely because of their everyday duties. But it's so simple: tear your ass off the sofa and set off to conquer new horizons.
Workaholics who enjoy endless work can try looking for a second job or immerse themselves in their main activity. As long as a person is busy making money, he is not in danger of depression. Labor is best at healing mental wounds.
Caring for children can be very distracting. Moreover, you do not need to immerse yourself in their life completely, and it is enough just to take a little more participation in their life. But trying to live someone else's life does not lead to the best results in overcoming the consequences of separation.
Perhaps this is the most difficult task to be solved after a divorce. The point is that many cannot look at themselves from the outside and form an objective opinion. You just need not «chew» the words that the outgoing person threw, but try to comprehend them soberly. Even thrown in the hearts, reproaches and accusations always have some background, a hidden meaning. Sometimes, it becomes a revelation that what was normal for them is unacceptable to the environment for some individuals. If the strength is found, then extracting «roots from the equations» will serve as a good lesson for the future.
Divorce is difficult. You need to have courage and endurance, and prudence to decide on such an event. And if it happened, then you need to draw the right conclusions, and today become better than yesterday.