Even at 70 and 80 years old Christian people, walk by the hand and look with the same loving, young eyes. How do they do it? No magic or secrets, just a few rules.
In some Christian couples, even conflicts, disputes never arise, but this is not even the point. And happy lovers do not always agree in opinion, but at the same time, Christians manage to resolve them in such a way that they are not deposited in the mind or heart and therefore do not poison their future life. This is a kind of skill, to see the relationship especially, to do special things, in which there is, in fact, nothing complicated.
To understand how to maintain love and unity for life, you first need to understand why Christian couples break up.
Psychotherapists are sure that the reason lies in the fact that Christian people do not know what the psychology of Christian dating is. That is, Christians do not understand themselves. In their beloved God, Christians do not know about the peculiarities of the partner, his addictions, desires, which are often hidden deep inside. Even in a marriage, it can be difficult for Christian men and women to talk openly about "intimacy" because of stiffness or shame. This leads not only to problems in bed, mutual understanding, and trust suffer.
Another reason is the parental example, traditions, stereotypes, everything that does not allow the Christian couple to build their own suitable dating. Modern Christian people have been affected by the transitional period in history when one value system replaced another. The patriarchal way of life began to give up its positions, but a partnership model has not yet taken shape in Christian marriage.
Children living in that era, who were just starting families and dating, did not understand what to do. The Bible tells what to do, parents advised one thing, society - another, or there was nothing to rely on at all. So it turned out either a very strange illusion, created from two opposite models, or in general a third, which included many problems regarding Christian dating. And young Christian people who became parents showed an unsuccessful example to their children, and those to theirs, and so on.
Conflicts when dating, or rather the inability to resolve them, also affect the fact that love ends. Here's how to do it right.
Happy Christian couples never go to bed with resentment, and they don't say "forget it" or "leave it." They use fights to make their relationship even better. This does not mean that the lovers swear on purpose. If this happens, Christians figure out how and why the conflict occurred and what to do to avoid its repetition in the future.
You should not just take and "drain" the conflict, it will not be extinguished to the end, and a new flame will flare up from the spark.
The most important thing in serious relationships is to speak. It would seem that it could be simpler, sit and speak. Only now you do need not only to express your opinion but also to listen to what your partner says. Communication should be frank, without hiding even the smallest details. Insufficient words will not be able to establish contact and strengthen the connection. On the contrary, they lead to collapse.
Love when dating can be imagined as a house of cards: If you don't say anything, you pull one card out of it. It seems to be still standing but already staggering. And so, card after card, concealment after concealment, the support disappears, and everything collapses.
For a relationship to be healthy, you need to be psychologically healthy yourself, maintain internal balance and create harmony, become better when dating other Christians.
Self-awareness is formed from childhood. It is influenced by parents, their communication between yourself, with your child, even with those around you. All experiences gained in the past carry over into adulthood, influencing how a person will establish contact with someone.
It's great if the parents' marriage was happy and the child could learn useful lessons. But while it is rather a rarity, the baggage of knowledge from childhood includes erroneous scenarios, behavior patterns, and sometimes even psychological trauma. This can be due to quarrels between mom and dad, infidelity, attempts to manipulate a spouse or child, divorce. This will surely affect the future family if you do not start working on yourself and the "trauma" you have received.
Man and woman are completely different, but they are equal when dating. This will have to be understood if you want to create a harmonious connection. Many even know about it but do not realize or do not accept it because of beliefs. It often happens that he tries to adjust her for himself, and she tries to adjust it. As a result, someone, or even both at once, breaks down, cannot withstand the pressure.
But it is not for nothing that they say that men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. Their psychology and body are really different. To maintain a happy Christian relationship, you need to learn how a dating partner is arranged, thoughts, desires, needs, how they react to stressful, conflict situations, even physiological characteristics. You will have to spend time studying everything, and most importantly, to understand. But you need to develop and learn. Without this long-term perspective - love will not work.
In their search for their well-being, people tend to create the ideals they strive to find. They think that now, "I will marry and everything will be fine," thus, a person ties happiness to someone except God. He or she shifts the responsibility to the beloved, and all hopes are voluptuous only on him. This leads to expectations and dreams that do not always manage to come true. When a dream breaks on the stones of reality, when a partner does not correspond to the image created in the head, problems begin that lead to a break.
Falling in love comes first, for which the neurotransmitter dopamine is responsible, but it tends to dry out over time. This is not scary because instead of it, a connection arises between people, influenced by the hormone oxytocin, which is responsible for attachments. It is generated during intimacy: emotional and intimate. A man and a woman should spend time together as often as possible, find common hobbies, engage in some kind of hobby together, and even just talk. So everyone will gradually open up, learn to trust, feel closeness, including spiritual. This will release oxytocin, increase attachment and bond.
Whoever says what, intimacy is essential for a happy relationship. Firstly, many beneficial hormones are produced during it, including the same dopamine - the hormone of happiness, which leads to even greater convergence. Secondly, intimacy is itself a moment of deepest emotional intimacy.
When two more people are just as much attracted to each other, if not during intercourse, the main thing is that they are real, with the manifestation of desires, so that they want, and not because it is necessary. Such intimacy will not bring pleasure and will not make you happy.
To create a strong, happy Christian couple, and in the future of a family, you need to develop yourself, Christian dating, and, most importantly, do it together with your partner. Nobody forbids wanting more, but you need to be able to be grateful and rejoice for what you already have, especially your beloved.
"God is often spoken of as Love, but they are afraid to call him a lover" - from the book "Models of God: Sustainable Theology for the Nuclear Age"
A close look at religious norms and locked at a certain point in time can lead to the idea that God has certain problems with his intimate life. Perhaps, none of the spheres of human life have received more attention in the sacred texts paid to intimate relationships and the rules by which they should occur.
James Nelson coined the term intimate theology in his book "Embodiment: an Approach to Intimacy and Christian Theology" in 1979. The introduction of this term was dictated by an attempt to bring together Christians who are afraid of eroticism and intimacy and modern culture, open to intimate pleasure and experimentation. What does intimate theology do? It studies a wide range of issues from philosophical to quite practical. For example, along with questions about why God created intimacy and frenzy, the acceptability and desirability of certain intimate practices are discussed.
All religions have their own intimate theologians, but there are practically no serious studies and works on this issue anywhere. However, the interpretation of the sacred texts and their interpretation makes it possible to determine which actions are permissible and which are not. It is noteworthy that almost all world religions are approximately the same in the list of prohibitions: intimacy outside the boat, intimacy during menstruation, intimacy during fasting and major religious holidays, homosexuality. There are many differences in the nuances, but the essence is the same: intimacy is not such a simple action that you can do from the point of view of religion.
For quite a long time, Christianity was the most asexual religion, which argued that intimacy is a concession to man's sinful nature. Since this is a sin, there is nothing to be proud of, just as there is nothing to enjoy. Such sentiments were especially strongly felt in the Middle Ages.
At that time, everything that went beyond the missionary position with an expression of sadness and anguish on their face was strictly prohibited. Any other poses for intimacy and types - everything fell under a strict ban. And in no case should a woman experience frenzy since this is a clear manifestation of receiving pleasure from this sinful act, only in the missionary position and only for the sake of procreation.
Judaism and Islam are more loyal in this matter and do not consider intimate relations between husband and wife as something sinful. However, certain rules must be followed.
For example, there is a special ritual that always precedes intimacy in Judaism - the immersion of a woman in a mikvah. During menstruation and a few days after them, the couple does not have intimacy, but after they are over, the woman performs ritual ablution, after which the ban on intimacy is lifted. This ritual has not so much hygienic meaning as symbolic. After such a dive, a woman appears to her husband rejuvenated, and men need novelty so that their passion does not go out.
Judaism can be called the most advanced religion concerning the attitude to the female frenzy. Bringing a woman to frenzy is the responsibility of her husband. If he cannot or does not want to do this, the wife can file for divorce on this basis and will be right.
In Judaism, there is a prohibition on the complete nudity and display of your body. Therefore, having intimacy is possible only in a dark room and preferably under a blanket. It is believed that darkness and secrecy only increase the passion and lust of the wife and husband.